cool things to do on the weekend:

gosh i love saturdays.

  • sleep in past noon until you wake up because there’s a good chance you’re gonna pee all over everything
  • wake up early because it makes you feel good about yourself and like you’ve accomplished everything in the world
  • gorge yourself with oreos until you’re so full you’re probably gonna puke chocolate-y white brown stuff up all over the place. don’t forget to dunk them in milk.
  • lounge around all day in your pajamas without showering and enjoy the time spent in your own filth
  • stalk all the cute boys on facebook ALL OF THEM I’M TELLING YOU
  • then be sad that you can’t have them
  • watch movies alllllll dayyyyyyy longgggggg until your eyes rot
  • dance to the backstreet boys and britney spears and justin bieber in your room and turn the music up really loud and booty bounce booty bounce!
  • go do something with friends but wish that you were really home all alone spending quality time with yourself like the loner you are
  • lock yourself in your room and cry about all the sad things in the world like your cat that got run over by a truck three years ago and that one time you had toothpaste smeared all over your face and no one told you and the last time your relationships SUCKED which was always and OMG why is everything so sadddd
  • go on omegle and chat it up with some attractive strangers whilst avoiding all the dicks
  • write the word whilst over and over again on a piece of paper: whilst whilst whilst whilst whilst whilst
  • watch a tutorial on how to make someone fall in love with you
  • then actually put that tutorial into ACTION babayy
  • sort through your clothes and decide which ones actually make you look reasonably attractive and which ones make you look like the pilsbury dough boy and burn them!!
  • dust off your old crayons and coloring books and pretend your five years old again and COLOR LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
  • look at your contact list and pretend that these are your friends and they allll invited you to do something today and you were just too busy but really you don’t have any friends and everyone knows it
  • make a frozen pizza and eat a couple pieces. or eat the whole thing cuz no one’s there to judge you and pizza is just so pleasing to the taste buds
  • degrassi marathonnn!!!!!!!
  • decide to text your ex-boyfriend and then realize that was probably the worst mistake you could ever make because he already hates you and now he thinks you’re some weird obsessive freak which you probably are but he doesn’t need to know that
  • don’t brush your teeth. enjoy your nasty mouth taste.
  • put chocolate ice cream in a cup and pour milk on it and DON’T stir it up because if you eat it this way it’s like an orgasm in your mouth
  • dig out the ol’ nintendo 64 and play mario kart and bomberman until your fingers bleed
  • test out that one hairstyle you’ve wanted to try and realize that it either makes you look like a hooker or a 43 year old man
  • the office marathonnn!!!!!!!
  • dye those roots. you’re starting to look like a whore.
  • procrastinateprocrastinateprocrastinate
  • beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeetlejuice
  • paint your fingernails and resolve to stop biting them until you start chewing away at them again like, five minutes later
  • actually do your homework (just kidding LOL)
  • stay home at all costs.

Notes