cool things to do on the weekend:

gosh i love saturdays.

  • sleep in past noon until you wake up because there’s a good chance you’re gonna pee all over everything
  • wake up early because it makes you feel good about yourself and like you’ve accomplished everything in the world
  • gorge yourself with oreos until you’re so full you’re probably gonna puke chocolate-y white brown stuff up all over the place. don’t forget to dunk them in milk.
  • lounge around all day in your pajamas without showering and enjoy the time spent in your own filth
  • stalk all the cute boys on facebook ALL OF THEM I’M TELLING YOU
  • then be sad that you can’t have them
  • watch movies alllllll dayyyyyyy longgggggg until your eyes rot
  • dance to the backstreet boys and britney spears and justin bieber in your room and turn the music up really loud and booty bounce booty bounce!
  • go do something with friends but wish that you were really home all alone spending quality time with yourself like the loner you are
  • lock yourself in your room and cry about all the sad things in the world like your cat that got run over by a truck three years ago and that one time you had toothpaste smeared all over your face and no one told you and the last time your relationships SUCKED which was always and OMG why is everything so sadddd
  • go on omegle and chat it up with some attractive strangers whilst avoiding all the dicks
  • write the word whilst over and over again on a piece of paper: whilst whilst whilst whilst whilst whilst
  • watch a tutorial on how to make someone fall in love with you
  • then actually put that tutorial into ACTION babayy
  • sort through your clothes and decide which ones actually make you look reasonably attractive and which ones make you look like the pilsbury dough boy and burn them!!
  • dust off your old crayons and coloring books and pretend your five years old again and COLOR LIKE THERE’S NO TOMORROW
  • look at your contact list and pretend that these are your friends and they allll invited you to do something today and you were just too busy but really you don’t have any friends and everyone knows it
  • make a frozen pizza and eat a couple pieces. or eat the whole thing cuz no one’s there to judge you and pizza is just so pleasing to the taste buds
  • degrassi marathonnn!!!!!!!
  • decide to text your ex-boyfriend and then realize that was probably the worst mistake you could ever make because he already hates you and now he thinks you’re some weird obsessive freak which you probably are but he doesn’t need to know that
  • don’t brush your teeth. enjoy your nasty mouth taste.
  • put chocolate ice cream in a cup and pour milk on it and DON’T stir it up because if you eat it this way it’s like an orgasm in your mouth
  • dig out the ol’ nintendo 64 and play mario kart and bomberman until your fingers bleed
  • test out that one hairstyle you’ve wanted to try and realize that it either makes you look like a hooker or a 43 year old man
  • the office marathonnn!!!!!!!
  • dye those roots. you’re starting to look like a whore.
  • procrastinateprocrastinateprocrastinate
  • beetlejuicebeetlejuicebeetlejuice
  • paint your fingernails and resolve to stop biting them until you start chewing away at them again like, five minutes later
  • actually do your homework (just kidding LOL)
  • stay home at all costs.

signs i probably definitely like you:

maybe i’ll just print this list out a lot of times and hand it out to all the cute boys everywhere that ever existed.

  • well none of my friends are going to this wrestling meet/basketball game/play/whatever which means that i’m gonna have to sit by myself and pretend like i’m texting someone every couple seconds to avoid looking like a loser but OF COURSE i’ll go don’t worry i’ll be there
  • hahahaha omg you had cereal for breakfast? wow that’s so funny!
  • oh you’re going to this thing too? well don’t worry, i’m gonna shave my legs even though you won’t see them underneath my jeans and use the special shampoo i save for special occasions and wear vanilla shampoo that you probably won’t ever be close enough to me to smell okay?
  • i’m trying to think of something to say to you but nothing’s coming so our conversation is filled with “ohs” and “yeahs” and “okays” and lots of awkward laughs
  •  if i tell you i think you’re cute i must freaking like you a whole lot.
  • i’m gonna ask you how you and your girlfriend are doing because if i’m lucky things are sucking and you’re gonna break her heart soon and then maybe you’ll like me and we’ll live happily ever after forever and ever. wait things are going good? great. why dontcha just put my heart through a paper shredder
  • i have this inexplicable hatred for your girlfriend even though i’ve never talked to her in my life so i’m going to ignore her even more take THAT bitch.
  • yeah i’m just gonna have to avoid you in the hallways because maybe you know that i like you and that’s embarrassing enough to make me die
  • or i’m gonna make sure that i see you in the hallways as often as possible because you have no idea i like you and YOU MUST FIGURE IT OUT
  • oh hey that’s funny. your name is on like, every page in my journal. weird. i wonder why that is.
  •  let me just bat my eyelashes at you a couple times so i can seduce you and stuff
  • you mean i’m going to be seeing you today? well just let me change out of my filthy pajama pants and put on a new pair of underwear (maybe even cute ones. teehee) and comb my hair and put on mascara because comfort comes last when i’m around you
  • i’m just going to stare at you from a distance and imagine what it would be like to stare at you from a closer proximity
  • i had a dream that we were making out once… and i liked it.
  •  i know like a gazillion and one things about you because i’m a professional facebook stalker and i read your about me and looked at your pictures from 2008
  •  i even know your first status
  • oh and those girls that have posted on your wall? i creeped on them too to make sure they’re not pretty lololol
  • EVERY SONG EVER MAKES ME THINK ABOUT YOU EVEN THE BAD ONES
  • six pack abs
  • i really hate mexican food but it’s your favorite so i’m going to go to this mexican restaurant and force some food down my throat because maybe you’ll be there too and then i can stare at you some more
  • let’s compare schedules. oh that’s too bad, no classes together. (just give me a minute, i’ll go fix that…)
  • omg you know my name
  • hey i like your shirt and i’m actually going to tell you that and maybe you’ll get the hint
  • the only time i ever see you i look like a hobo that hasn’t showered in three days and like i rolled around in a pile of dog poop because that’s how life seems to work for me. why can’t i be pretty in front of cute boys?
  • holy crap i’m texting you first it’s a christmas miracle
  • you mean you breathe sometimes? wow what a coincidence me too
hi, my name is celia. it’s nice to meet you.

hi, my name is celia. it’s nice to meet you.